How the winter always reaches too far into March
And how the cold seemed to puncture my skin
I shivered at the thought and buried myself six feet below sea level
The words mean nothing after long
He lingered at my side
And drilled corkscrew shaped viruses into the back of my skull
Like a worm in an apple
I could tear him in half.
I’m sorry, you’ve mistaken me
for somebody else
I’m sorry, fabrications
only hinder what I’ve felt
Did you really think that lies
would get your way?
Did you really think it
would get you what you wanted?
Well I guess you didn’t know
who you were dealing with
And I guess she didn’t have
quite what you wanted
I’ve been to the other side
and I know what it feels like to be you
So when you come around
i hope you think of me
That’s the thing that gets me
that drives me to tears
At night when all there is
is memories, fears
That one day when she’s with him
and he tells her he loves her
That she won’t believe him
and she won’t
And it’s all your fault
when she leaks sweat tears blood
Dripping down her spine
in the murky water
And it’s all your fault
when she doesn’t know who she is anymore
So she truly believes
that she is nothing
And I can’t quite put my finger
on whose fault it was
When she carved it in stone
but I’m going to blame it all on you
Forgive me if I’m too forward
but would you fuck me for flattery?
Forgive me if I’m too blunt
but I’m a whore
It’s in my nature but so are you
or at least those lovely legs
So would you give yourself up
for a few tall tales?
You used to be magic
and pretty and love
Or at least that
was your charade
I never understood
how you could be so cruel
Just for the chance
to get laid
But I suppose I should have known
that things this good
Never really work out
in the end
It’s like they say
that nothing gold really stays
And even pictures never really
capture the warmth
It’s too bad too ’cause I’ve got
a closetful of empty photo albums
And a shoebox brimming
with exposed film
And that’s how I feel, exposed
and if only I had the negatives
I could
start over
Don’t you love
photography
As much as you
love me?
Let’s hope so because
I never want to see you
With a camera in my face
again
But you’re cozy in your
little fucking game you play
And I only pray for
the next girl you infect
She’d better put some ointment
on that fast
Or it’ll start to swell up
like mine did
The word of the day is
see you in fucking Hell
You slimy slithering leech
and that hair is really not working for you
And did I ever tell you
by the way
I never did like
your face?
Well I’ll make sure
he knows you said that
And I’ll give him
your best regards, too
And as I lay
my head to rest
I sin with glee,
tonight
In knowing that you, too
shall one day know
This feeling of
ineffable sadness
And if you don’t,
I can always dream…
i see you there. you fucking piece of shit, i see you. i can always see you there.. staring at me. you worthless son of a fucking bitch, i can see you! fucking go away!! nobody wants you here, will you fucking go?!
but you won’t. you won’t fucking leave me alone. you never will, i know it, and i hate you for it. no-one can stand you, and you know it, i can see it in your eyes. your eyes give you away. i stand here, looking into your poor, pathetic little eyes. i’m staring right at you, but you won’t budge. you don’t even flinch. okay, every once in a while, but so do i, so it doesn’t count. it doesn’t matter, just like you. anyway, so i’m standing here, staring at you and your eyes. and your face. your skin. i see myself ripping it off your face, i’m delving my fingernails into your flesh, and ripping it right off your bleeding head. i feel my fingers tense up. it’s so easy to do.
i’m punching you in the face right now. oh, your head is so easy to fucking break. i’m punching you over and over, ohh, it feels so good. it feels so fucking good to finally kill you. i’ll fucking kill you! i’ll mother fucking tear you apart!! i’m brutally kicking you and punching you, you’re on the ground and bleeding, i’m fucking killing you!!! suddenly my hands are clenched tightly. my nails are almost cutting me.
look at you. you worthless fucking piece of shit. i can’t stand to look at you. but your gaze is so hypnotizing. if i look away, it won’t feel so good, it won’t feel so fucking good inside to kill you. i’m tingling.
NO!!! NOO!!!! GO AWAY!!! YOU’RE USELESS, ALL YOU DO IS RUIN MY LIFE!!! WHAT, YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN MAKE ME MISERABLE?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!!!
now i’m on the floor. i’m bleeding. no.. wait…. those are tears… i’m leaking…… i’m expelling all this pain you’ve caused me… but it’s not enough… all of this fucking pain, the ugliness inside of me that YOU’VE caused… it’s not enough…. i get up.
and there you are again. just as i suspected. you’re so predictable, you hole. you little fucking shit, you fucking shit in this whole meaningless existence you’ve created. you know, i could have been something. you fucked all of this up. you, with your ugliness you radiate like nothing i’ve seen before. look at you, you’re deformed. yes, you are, you liar. don’t you fucking lie to me, you know it just as well as i do. you just don’t want to admit it, and let me tell you, you’ve done a good job of not admitting it thus far.
but i noticed. i saw it a few months ago, i just didn’t tell you. but now i have.. and that makes it allll better, now doesn’t it? you know, i’m really glad we’ve had this talk. i think we’ve made a breakthrough here! now, here, take two and call me in the morning, mkay? good. that’s very good.
_
_
you look ill. i suppose you always did before but exaggerating it did you some good i think and don’t you come running to me when you’ve had enough. i’ll probably be gone by then. but you won’t be. i can guarantee it.
have you ever hated someone so much, you just can’t stand it? you just cannot fathom how ignorant and self-involved this person is? i can’t imagine how she got to be the way she is. it’s disgusting, utterly disgusting the way she goes around saying she hates these people, when she is exactly like them. she is exactly fucking like them!! she always said it and she didn’t know she was really just talking about herself. she’s always writing this fucked up autobiography, every single day is just a new chapter, but she just can’t face it, or maybe she only refuses. well, she knows now. i told her. i fucking told her and i didn’t mean to but sometimes these things just happen. i almost feel sorry for her. but then there i go again. that’s the whole problem. that’s the entire fucking problem, back to where it all began, this loathing, this hatred, i can’t stand it. she’s so completely obsessed and conceited she couldn’t face it, but no more. she’s going to stop talking. she doesn’t want to be this thing, this monster that she has so blindly created. no more speaking. she is mute. but she’s not. she only wishes. because she is being that monster now. i want her to shut up. make me shut up.
