his name was wanderlust
he told me a story of the ocean
and a girl with shells in her hair
he whispered into my ear
and held me as i shivered.
his hair was choppy,
deep sea blue
and he wore black pearls in his ears.
as he protected me from the chill of the ocean breeze
a warmth grew between us
and a kiss he offered to me.
the brackish taste of his lips
though normally deterrent
entranced me
for he was not a normal boy.
his name was wanderlust.
Clouds of white fill up my chest when I see your face.
It’s an overflowing feeling of affection I can’t alleviate.
It won’t escape until I hold you,
Emotion purging from my heart into yours.
My open soul feels surprisingly full
Stuffed with love screaming to break through.
It pounds on the inside of my sternum and I wonder if
perhaps my body is too small a cage.
A belt tightens on my lungs like the old cliché.
We sing the words, but do they feel them like I do?
A ribbon binds my heart to my hands
But it seems more stuck to my sleeve.
“My heart is open to you” he says
And it’s true.
Embrace me, trust me, love me
We can be each other’s Only One.
The world can hate me for my love
But you could be my blanket
To wrap myself up in and sleep away the afternoon.
“Couldn’t be more obvious”
She scribbled on a note
previously used for something better.
Everybody knows
and it’s all or nothing now
so head first is the way to go.
Apparently, though,
the way to go is too shallow,
at least before high tide
on a clear, uncluttered afternoon.
“Subtlety’s for suckers”
She thought
And who’da thunk a shy kid like she
would be so explicit?
Is it a phase?
Those teen-age drama days
when the sun’s rays
made her shade her eyes but
set her spectral hair ablaze?
“Exactly what was it I was saying again?”
She said in her head
as she drug the pen.
The words that twist round my tongue and then
bend, transcend your average blend
of syllables and rhyme. and I’m
not certain where I’m going with any of this
but I’m pretty sure I’ll get there
and obviously
you just couldn’t care
It’s 1 AM
You’ve gone away
I shouldn’t care
It’s too cliché
I’m waiting for you
Planning my next move
Why did you do it?
You broke a rule
Now I can’t help
But think about you
It was innocent
How did it turn into this?
Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through
Put your mind away
I’ll toss mine in the gutter
Let’s speak of simple things
As if we were together
It’s out of hand
Prepare for crash-land
Do you deceive?
Et tu, my friend?
Don’t lead me on
You’ll meet your end
(I’m not so strong
But please do play along)
Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through
And though you’re hers
And I am his
I hope no pain
Shall come of this
It only hurts
‘Cause I didn’t tell you first
And so I know
I’ll remember a time
When you cared about me
And I wished you were mine
Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through
Reddish blue and déjà vu
Help me think things through
You gave me a reason to show up
I gave you a compliment
You gave me security
I gave you my homework
You gave me a reason to laugh
I gave you a suggestion
You gave me an onion
I gave you dry eyes
You gave me a reason to smile
I gave you a crude illustration
You gave me a look
I gave you less homework
You gave me the time of day
I gave you a story
You gave me a dollar
I gave you a piece of my heart
You gave me a reason to stay sane
I gave you my burden
You gave me some time off
I gave you a sideways glance
You give me a reason to wonder
I give you my nothing
If you’ll give me a moment to burn in Heaven,
I’ll give you a second chance.
And her lovely sodden lashes bore the woebegone lament
Of what she fell for in her fixation
With her unsuspecting trusting
And deluded mind
She hadn’t known
His main objective was unfeeling
And his heart was made of stone
When he told her she was beautiful who was she to say that
He was being insincere
Or that soon enough he’d disappear
And shatter her?
Never truth
But he was always so convincing
With his captivating words
Saying all the things
She’d only wished she’d heard
Well she thought she had it figured out, they would love each other now
And near forever
Or at least they’d be together
For a couple months
When suddenly
He changed his mind and broke her trust and
Her heart more importantly
Well I’m laying out my winter clothes and wishing I was gone
Going home
Where my memories and regrets aren’t bleeding me
Cheating me
Going home
And her lovely sodden lashes bear the woebegone lament
Of what she fell for in her fixation
And everything about it makes her shudder through her sobbing
As she tries to form the words:
I am broken I am broken
But they never shall be heard
I’m sorry, you’ve mistaken me
for somebody else
I’m sorry, fabrications
only hinder what I’ve felt
Did you really think that lies
would get your way?
Did you really think it
would get you what you wanted?
Well I guess you didn’t know
who you were dealing with
And I guess she didn’t have
quite what you wanted
I’ve been to the other side
and I know what it feels like to be you
So when you come around
i hope you think of me
That’s the thing that gets me
that drives me to tears
At night when all there is
is memories, fears
That one day when she’s with him
and he tells her he loves her
That she won’t believe him
and she won’t
And it’s all your fault
when she leaks sweat tears blood
Dripping down her spine
in the murky water
And it’s all your fault
when she doesn’t know who she is anymore
So she truly believes
that she is nothing
And I can’t quite put my finger
on whose fault it was
When she carved it in stone
but I’m going to blame it all on you
Forgive me if I’m too forward
but would you fuck me for flattery?
Forgive me if I’m too blunt
but I’m a whore
It’s in my nature but so are you
or at least those lovely legs
So would you give yourself up
for a few tall tales?
You used to be magic
and pretty and love
Or at least that
was your charade
I never understood
how you could be so cruel
Just for the chance
to get laid
But I suppose I should have known
that things this good
Never really work out
in the end
It’s like they say
that nothing gold really stays
And even pictures never really
capture the warmth
It’s too bad too ’cause I’ve got
a closetful of empty photo albums
And a shoebox brimming
with exposed film
And that’s how I feel, exposed
and if only I had the negatives
I could
start over
Don’t you love
photography
As much as you
love me?
Let’s hope so because
I never want to see you
With a camera in my face
again
But you’re cozy in your
little fucking game you play
And I only pray for
the next girl you infect
She’d better put some ointment
on that fast
Or it’ll start to swell up
like mine did
The word of the day is
see you in fucking Hell
You slimy slithering leech
and that hair is really not working for you
And did I ever tell you
by the way
I never did like
your face?
Well I’ll make sure
he knows you said that
And I’ll give him
your best regards, too
And as I lay
my head to rest
I sin with glee,
tonight
In knowing that you, too
shall one day know
This feeling of
ineffable sadness
And if you don’t,
I can always dream…
She sits. Thinks of things she’d rather not think of. The thought of him crosses her mind, makes her smile. The smile quickly melts, her eyes well with empty tears. She is sad. She is alone. She walks nowhere and everywhere all at the same time. Her music pounds in her head as the rain falls onto her shoulders. Her hair covers her face as she watches the pavement slip under her old sneakers like silk. She is empty, but full. Full of redundant emotions and unwanted feelings. She is useless to him, he doesn’t see her. He doesn’t see her at all. She wants him to find her. She wants apathy. Lethargy. Sleep. The Permanent Vacation. She smells rainbow. The metallic taste of sleep snaps her back to her senses. She sucks at writing.
