I stood in front of the twisted plant.
It seemed smaller, somehow. Different.
The dry scent of brown bark was faint in the breeze.
I closed my eyes.
My fingers found their way to the rough surface, sliding along the edges and cracks,
searching for a familiar face.
I remembered bright summers shaded
By sweet-smelling leaves, glowing.
I remembered climbing
Limb over limb
To the highest of branches, shaking.
I remembered…
I remembered.
I did not remember getting in the tree
But I found myself balancing, unwedging my sneaker where it once fit.
I found a branch shaped like me, and sat.
We were so warm…
We lounged, unafraid, slobbering our cones of ice cream.
Our little heads peeked through the foliage where birds kept their homes.
I remembered raising my arm and groping over my head for a sturdy branch,
And standing up.
We felt so big in our shoes.
You gave me a reason to show up
I gave you a compliment
You gave me security
I gave you my homework
You gave me a reason to laugh
I gave you a suggestion
You gave me an onion
I gave you dry eyes
You gave me a reason to smile
I gave you a crude illustration
You gave me a look
I gave you less homework
You gave me the time of day
I gave you a story
You gave me a dollar
I gave you a piece of my heart
You gave me a reason to stay sane
I gave you my burden
You gave me some time off
I gave you a sideways glance
You give me a reason to wonder
I give you my nothing
If you’ll give me a moment to burn in Heaven,
I’ll give you a second chance.
Filed under: Bittersweet, Experimental, Good Writing, Non-Fiction, Reflection
broken treetops glow
in the orange morning light
broken and alone
In this box
Three by four
Alone with the sky and you
I hear the sounds
Of the hour
When I melt away in you
I hide away
From cats & dogs
From the blinding pitch of night
I lie down
And close my eyes
And drift into the light
You carry me
You carry me
To the white white birds above
You carry me
You set me free
When you’re all I’m thinking of
Your tranquil tone
Persistent beat
Your rapping at my soul
Rescue me
My one true love
You almost make me whole
and i was supposed to have friends
growing up
in connecticut.
that’s what the storybooks
and the cartoons
and the made for tv disney movies
say.
kids have best friends
lifelong friends.
friendships that last the four years
that you’ve been in school.
known them your whole life
and not exaggerating.
kids build forts
in the woods down the street
to run away to
when your parents won’t let you stay out
past eight.
kids break stuff
and get in trouble together
and getting in trouble is ok
as long as you’re in it together.
kids have sleepovers
campouts
birthday parties.
i was alone
on weekends
tagging along with my sister and her friends.
“You can go if you bring your sister”
the frustration
and anger
and threat
in my sister’s eyes
after my mother turns her back.
i was alone
on summer break
playing nintendo
wishing for summer camp
for forts in the woods
for a birthday party at the beach
with someone my age
not my mom’s friends.
i was alone
at recess
always walking along
that same strip of curb
back and forth
to and fro
testing my balance.
once i fell
on purpose
and i scraped my knee.
and i was supposed to have friends
growing up
in bristol.
i was supposed to have friends
but i was too quiet
my socks days old
and my soul
too big
to bear.
And her lovely sodden lashes bore the woebegone lament
Of what she fell for in her fixation
With her unsuspecting trusting
And deluded mind
She hadn’t known
His main objective was unfeeling
And his heart was made of stone
When he told her she was beautiful who was she to say that
He was being insincere
Or that soon enough he’d disappear
And shatter her?
Never truth
But he was always so convincing
With his captivating words
Saying all the things
She’d only wished she’d heard
Well she thought she had it figured out, they would love each other now
And near forever
Or at least they’d be together
For a couple months
When suddenly
He changed his mind and broke her trust and
Her heart more importantly
Well I’m laying out my winter clothes and wishing I was gone
Going home
Where my memories and regrets aren’t bleeding me
Cheating me
Going home
And her lovely sodden lashes bear the woebegone lament
Of what she fell for in her fixation
And everything about it makes her shudder through her sobbing
As she tries to form the words:
I am broken I am broken
But they never shall be heard
I’m sorry, you’ve mistaken me
for somebody else
I’m sorry, fabrications
only hinder what I’ve felt
Did you really think that lies
would get your way?
Did you really think it
would get you what you wanted?
Well I guess you didn’t know
who you were dealing with
And I guess she didn’t have
quite what you wanted
I’ve been to the other side
and I know what it feels like to be you
So when you come around
i hope you think of me
That’s the thing that gets me
that drives me to tears
At night when all there is
is memories, fears
That one day when she’s with him
and he tells her he loves her
That she won’t believe him
and she won’t
And it’s all your fault
when she leaks sweat tears blood
Dripping down her spine
in the murky water
And it’s all your fault
when she doesn’t know who she is anymore
So she truly believes
that she is nothing
And I can’t quite put my finger
on whose fault it was
When she carved it in stone
but I’m going to blame it all on you
Forgive me if I’m too forward
but would you fuck me for flattery?
Forgive me if I’m too blunt
but I’m a whore
It’s in my nature but so are you
or at least those lovely legs
So would you give yourself up
for a few tall tales?
You used to be magic
and pretty and love
Or at least that
was your charade
I never understood
how you could be so cruel
Just for the chance
to get laid
But I suppose I should have known
that things this good
Never really work out
in the end
It’s like they say
that nothing gold really stays
And even pictures never really
capture the warmth
It’s too bad too ’cause I’ve got
a closetful of empty photo albums
And a shoebox brimming
with exposed film
And that’s how I feel, exposed
and if only I had the negatives
I could
start over
Don’t you love
photography
As much as you
love me?
Let’s hope so because
I never want to see you
With a camera in my face
again
But you’re cozy in your
little fucking game you play
And I only pray for
the next girl you infect
She’d better put some ointment
on that fast
Or it’ll start to swell up
like mine did
The word of the day is
see you in fucking Hell
You slimy slithering leech
and that hair is really not working for you
And did I ever tell you
by the way
I never did like
your face?
Well I’ll make sure
he knows you said that
And I’ll give him
your best regards, too
And as I lay
my head to rest
I sin with glee,
tonight
In knowing that you, too
shall one day know
This feeling of
ineffable sadness
And if you don’t,
I can always dream…
