his name was wanderlust
he told me a story of the ocean
and a girl with shells in her hair
he whispered into my ear
and held me as i shivered.

his hair was choppy,
deep sea blue
and he wore black pearls in his ears.
as he protected me from the chill of the ocean breeze
a warmth grew between us
and a kiss he offered to me.

the brackish taste of his lips
though normally deterrent
entranced me
for he was not a normal boy.
his name was wanderlust.

Clouds of white fill up my chest when I see your face.
It’s an overflowing feeling of affection I can’t alleviate.
It won’t escape until I hold you,
Emotion purging from my heart into yours.

My open soul feels surprisingly full
Stuffed with love screaming to break through.
It pounds on the inside of my sternum and I wonder if
 perhaps my body is too small a cage.
A belt tightens on my lungs like the old cliché.
We sing the words, but do they feel them like I do?
A ribbon binds my heart to my hands
But it seems more stuck to my sleeve.

“My heart is open to you” he says
And it’s true.
Embrace me, trust me, love me
We can be each other’s Only One.
The world can hate me for my love
But you could be my blanket
To wrap myself up in and sleep away the afternoon.

Where do I belong? What am I to do? Words scrawled on the back of my hand, a ribbon fastened gently on my ring finger. My future is as blank as an empty canvas and I’m holding a bucket of paint. What if I screw it up? So many things I must remember. I’m running out of time. The countdown to my birth is set to “hyperdrive.” I’m scared to dip my brush, but the paint is getting thin. What if I want a different colour? Mixing hues always ends in brown. I’m stuck in neutral, while others zip past to the finish. There are no short-cuts on this road. The gas tank is full but where is the clutch? I’ve never driven, and I’m afraid and confused. I will crash and burn. A splash of paint is all i need to inspire me, so why can’t I just heave the bucket? Fuck it, I’ll just hide it in the back of my closet with my easel and brush. I’m not in the mood to paint anyhow and there’s always tomorrow to plan the next 75 years of my life.

How the winter always reaches too far into March
And how the cold seemed to puncture my skin
I shivered at the thought and buried myself six feet below sea level
The words mean nothing after long

He lingered at my side
And drilled corkscrew shaped viruses into the back of my skull
Like a worm in an apple

I could tear him in half.

I stood in front of the twisted plant.
It seemed smaller, somehow. Different.
The dry scent of brown bark was faint in the breeze.
I closed my eyes.
My fingers found their way to the rough surface, sliding along the edges and cracks,
 searching for a familiar face.
I remembered bright summers shaded
By sweet-smelling leaves, glowing.
I remembered climbing
Limb over limb
To the highest of branches, shaking.
I remembered…
I remembered.

I did not remember getting in the tree
But I found myself balancing, unwedging my sneaker where it once fit.
I found a branch shaped like me, and sat.
We were so warm…

We lounged, unafraid, slobbering our cones of ice cream.
Our little heads peeked through the foliage where birds kept their homes.
I remembered raising my arm and groping over my head for a sturdy branch,
And standing up.
We felt so big in our shoes.

“Couldn’t be more obvious”
She scribbled on a note
previously used for something better.
Everybody knows
and it’s all or nothing now
so head first is the way to go.
Apparently, though,
the way to go is too shallow,
at least before high tide
on a clear, uncluttered afternoon.

“Subtlety’s for suckers”
She thought
And who’da thunk a shy kid like she
would be so explicit?
Is it a phase?
Those teen-age drama days
when the sun’s rays
made her shade her eyes but
set her spectral hair ablaze?

“Exactly what was it I was saying again?”
She said in her head
as she drug the pen.
The words that twist round my tongue and then
bend, transcend your average blend
of syllables and rhyme. and I’m
not certain where I’m going with any of this
but I’m pretty sure I’ll get there
and obviously
you just couldn’t care

It’s 1 AM
You’ve gone away
I shouldn’t care
It’s too cliché

I’m waiting for you
Planning my next move

Why did you do it?
You broke a rule
Now I can’t help
But think about you

It was innocent
How did it turn into this?

Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through

Put your mind away
I’ll toss mine in the gutter
Let’s speak of simple things
As if we were together

It’s out of hand
Prepare for crash-land

Do you deceive?
Et tu, my friend?
Don’t lead me on
You’ll meet your end

(I’m not so strong
But please do play along)

Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through

And though you’re hers
And I am his
I hope no pain
Shall come of this

It only hurts
‘Cause I didn’t tell you first

And so I know
I’ll remember a time
When you cared about me
And I wished you were mine

Help me think things through
If you love me then I love you
Help me think things through
Reddish blue and déjà vu
Help me think things through

The bracing scent of crushed leaves surprises my senses every time.
It comes on so quickly
Sneaking like a black cat
Scampering across a shadowy street
Pitter-pat

The intense hue of orange seems to
Slip in and
Sequester our society
Until we concede
And yield our prudence for a long month.

Harvest time
We bake pies
The rich aroma of apples and cinnamon.
We carve gourds
Watching for Mars.

The air is thin and my lips chap
The day will soon be upon us.
I can feel in the breeze the spirits
Which will soon possess us
For another haunting night.

You gave me a reason to show up
I gave you a compliment
You gave me security
I gave you my homework

You gave me a reason to laugh
I gave you a suggestion
You gave me an onion
I gave you dry eyes

You gave me a reason to smile
I gave you a crude illustration
You gave me a look
I gave you less homework

You gave me the time of day
I gave you a story
You gave me a dollar
I gave you a piece of my heart

You gave me a reason to stay sane
I gave you my burden
You gave me some time off
I gave you a sideways glance

You give me a reason to wonder
I give you my nothing
If you’ll give me a moment to burn in Heaven,
I’ll give you a second chance.

waterworks.
toy dolls.
goosebumps.
peter piper.
payday.
life.
trapped.
despondency.

vicious cycles go round and round like so many wheels turning shifting changing.
when will someone cut the lifeline? tell me now or watch me fall